When we were dating, whenever my husband and I would get into a fight, I would freeze him out with the silent treatment for a few hours. I would ignore his calls and texts, and make sure his “punishment” was enough to make him so sorry that he would never do it again.
When we got married though, I realized really quickly that approach was just not gonna work long-term. It started to feel downright childish and silly. But I still didn’t know how to get him to understand that there were certain things that were hurtful that I wanted him to just stop. So I would raise my voice at him, or snap at him, and the mood between us would be ruined the rest of the day.
Until one day, I did something different.
I apologized FIRST.
That’s right. I searched my heart. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw an angry person who was holding a grudge. And I realized there was no room for that person in my marriage if I wanted it to last.
So I swallowed my pride, tiptoed over to him, cleared my throat awkwardly and said, “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I was hurt about what you said, and I wanted to hurt you back, but that’s not the way to solve things.”
My husband looked taken aback at first. Okay, I’ll be honest. He looked shocked, but pleased at the same time. The tension between us died so quickly, I thought I had imagined it. Then he said, “I’m sorry too.” He went on to explain that he hadn’t meant to hurt me, but was only trying to be honest with me about things.
Since then, our “fights” don’t last more than a few minutes. If it happens in the morning, by the time we get to work, we end up sending an “I’m sorry❤” text to each other. Sometimes I’m thinking about apologizing and he ends up texting me first.
The point is, our relationship has become a place where we both feel safe enough to let our guard down, let our pride go, and say “I’m sorry,” no matter who was technically to blame.
So if your relationship is one where you or your partner have long periods of coldness towards each other, I’m encouraging you to be the change in your relationship. I know it’s hard. I know it feels awkward. But you’re giving up your pride or ego in exchange for something MUCH more valuable: an AMAZING marriage!
Comment below: How do your disagreements usually get resolved? I'll take funny, sweet, and weird ones 😀
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