Should Wives Just "Push Through" Sex When They're Not in the Mood?

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It had been a long day and I was tired. My head ached, my back ached, and I was ready to just close my eyes and get knocked out. But my husband had other ideas. A few seconds after he climbed into bed beside me, I felt his hand on my hip. I already knew what that meant. It was his unspoken signal for, “I want to make love tonight.” But I was tired! And I really didn’t think the sex would be great in the condition I was in. So I told my husband, “I don’t feel well tonight babe. I have a really bad headache.” I felt his hand move off my waist and the bed shifted as he rolled back over to his side of the bed.

Ten minutes later I was still awake. I felt bad for rejecting him. But I really didn’t feel well. Should I just push through and have sex? I mean, he was asking for it and I felt guilty for saying no. And now I couldn’t sleep because I felt guilty for saying no. 

I wish I could say this was the last time I had this type of dilemma, but it wasn’t. It actually started happening more often when we had our kids. But then one day I read a blog post that changed my entire mindset about “being in the mood.” The author explained the sex doesn’t just benefit the husband-it’s great for both the husband AND the wife. It helps to relieve stress and reset your emotional connection in the midst of life’s busyness.  It releases endorphins that make you FEEL happier and more relaxed. It’s such an intimate act that when you make yourself vulnerable enough to TRULY engage in lovemaking, it’s basically like renewing your vows. 

So the next time you’re “not in the mood,” don’t just “push through” sex out of resignation. Turn the switch in your mind and think of this as an OPPORTUNITY, not a CHORE. It’s a chance to disconnect from the stress around you, and reconnect with your spouse. It’s a chance to shut out everything and be vulnerable with each other. It’s a renewal that we don’t always realize that we need.

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