How I Fell In Love With A Guy Who Wasn't My "Type"

***This week’s blog post is an EXCLUSIVE sneak peek from my newest ebook “Dating to The Altar.” ******

People talk about falling in love. I laugh when I hear that because to say I fell in love would be a lie. I went in kicking and screaming. At God.

Let me explain.

I was raised a good Christian girl in a very conservative church, by conservative parents. But growing up I fed myself a steady diet of romance novels. So in my mind, the man I would marry would have rippling muscles that made my heart race. He would be tall, light skinned, play a musical instrument, and know how to sing. Basically, he would be a sexy young pastor that shared my love for God. Together we would lead young people to Christ and be role models for our community.

With a list like that, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that when I first met my husband, I dismissed him. He was unremarkable, and to be honest, I found him a bit strange.

So here’s how we met the first time.

At the time, we went to two different churches that had the same pastor assigned to them. One evening we had a joint youth service. Afterward he approached me and sat down. I don’t remember what we talked about. Being a good Christian girl, I tried to be nice and make conversation. At the end of it he hit me with,

“Can I have your number?”

I cocked my eyebrow at him. “How old are you?” I asked warily. He couldn’t be a day over 18, I guessed. I was 20, a junior in college, and I wasn’t into younger guys at all.

Confused, he answered, “I’m the same age as you!”

When he noticed that I was still skeptical, he turned to a friend from his church who happened to be nearby.

“Hey, how old am I?” She looked taken aback at first, then scrunched her forehead as she tried to remember.

“I’m 20, right? She doesn’t believe me.” She nodded her head in confirmation.

“I was born in 1985,” he continued.

I didn’t want to be overbearing, so I finally agreed to believe he was my age. I couldn’t think of an excuse not to give him my number without being rude, so I gave it to him. I figured I could always ignore his call if I really didn’t want to speak to him.

By the time he called a few days later, I’d already forgotten meeting him and my mom handed me the phone while I was in the midst of cleaning the house.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hey, it’s Jono.” My stomach dropped. Dangit! I forgot to ask my mom who it was! Now I’d have to make small talk again. How annoying.

We spoke for a few minutes, during which I asked what he planned to do with his life.

“Oh, I’m going to work for myself. I’m never going to work for someone else.” He sounded so confident when he said it. To me it sounded like something an arrogant lazy person would say. I was very unimpressed with his ambiguous plan.

“I bet you would if you had bills to pay,” I replied just as confidently as he had.

“No I wouldn’t,” he insisted.

Okay, now I was completely convinced he was a bum and we had nothing in common. After that, the conversation stalled and it was clear to the both of us that we had no chemistry.

He proved to be persistent though. A couple of weeks later, he came to my church and sat down beside me, smiling at me with that cocky smile while I tried not to think of the fact that my mom was sitting right behind us and would probably have questions about him later. A few days after that, he had a Valentine’s day basket of candy, a teddy bear, and CD mix of love songs delivered to my house.

I was impressed with his efforts, but still very uninterested. So nothing happened, and a year went by where we didn’t speak.

Until we did.

God brought us back into each other’s lives in a very casual way. Remember how our churches shared a pastor?

So his church started renovations, and their youth committee asked ours if we could have joint youth services until their church was done with reconstruction. I was now a senior in college, with plans to go to medical school. It also happened that my heart had just been broken by a young man at his church who fit (most of) my list of preferences. We had been talking for a while, getting to know each other, but in the end he decided to get back with his ex.

I was devastated. I swore that I was done with love, and got really involved at my church. In fact, I was now the assistant Youth Director. So was Jono. We both started this youth training program, so we saw each other every weekend now.  Of course, I wasn’t interested in him since I was consumed with my mission as a youth leader. But he seemed different to me now. He seemed less arrogant, and more earnest about helping the youth at his church develop their relationship with Christ. I admired that.



When I graduated from college I was still in limbo about going to medical school. I wasn’t sure if it was the right path for me, so I decided to take some time to work and figure things out. I felt like I was at a crossroad in my life, and I needed to really seek God and solidify what exactly my calling was.

Around that time, Jono invited me to go to a Bible study he attended. I figured that was the perfect way to get more in tune with God, so I went with him one day. He picked me up at my house and we drove a few blocks away to the house where the Bible study was being held.

I was blown away. I know that sounds weird to say about a Bible study, but it’s the truth. The man leading out the Bible study was this super-ripped guy that everyone called Brother Mack. He was a Trinidadian guy in his forties, and let me tell you, he was anointed with the Holy Spirit!

The way he broke down the Word of God, you could tell everyone there was amazed too. He made everything so practical and applied every verse to stuff we were actually going through and struggling with. There were a bunch of people jam-packed into the house, and there was no air-conditioning, so sweat beaded up on everyone’s forehead as we searched through our Bibles. But it was life-changing!

Afterward Jono and I sat in his car for an hour talking about the stuff we had learned and how it related to our lives at the moment. I was shocked when I realized so much time had gone by while we were talking about Jesus. It felt exhilarating, and liberating.

I felt like I had rediscovered God in my life that night. And I was even more amazed that I was able to share my experience with Jono, of all people. Someone that I had low-key looked down on and been annoyed by in the past, I now had a connection with.  

We kept going to that bible study every Tuesday night after that. All the seats were taken and about 20 of us young adults crammed in that house every week because we were that serious about God. Every week we were able to come together and learn about God, and it felt like such a personal connection.

And the more we went to Bible study, the closer Jono and I got. Of course, at that point, I saw him as a friend, nothing more. I was glad that I was able to have a male friend who had no ulterior motive, no agenda. It was refreshing. We would talk on the phone for hours about life and our goals.

Then one day he ruined everything and told me he was attracted to me as more than a friend. I remember feeling dread because I was sure our friendship was going to be ruined when I told him I didn’t feel the same way about him.

But when I told him, he was super cool about it-unbothered, in fact. “Now don’t go getting awkward on me okay?” he teased. “We can still be friends,” he assured me. Of course, I didn’t believe him. Guys had said stuff like that to me before, only to avoid me when they saw me after that.

But Jono surprised me again by genuinely being unaffected by my lack of attraction to him. Our conversation kept going and after a while I forgot about the awkwardness I felt and relaxed again. When we hung up I thought to myself that he was a one-of-a-kind guy that I could truly call my friend.

One day he went out of town on a trip with his church, and we didn’t speak the whole day. I thought to myself, “Huh, that’s weird, we’ve usually had a conversation by now.” I scrolled through my call list to see if I had somehow missed his call. Nope.

I dialed his number….and felt a rush of warmth when he answered the phone.

Later on, when we started dating, he said he had a feeling I was going to call him that day.

But in that moment all I knew was that this guy had become important to me, and I wanted him to be in my life as my friend from now on. I stressed the word “friend” in my head because I was reminding myself that he wasn’t my type.

But that entire month, as we got closer and closer, I could tell that I had started to care about him as more than a friend. And in those moments I reminded myself sternly that he didn’t have any rippling muscles that I could see. In fact, he had a gut y’all! He wasn’t light-skinned, wasn’t an older pastor that swept me off my feet and made my heart race at first sight.

It didn’t help. The more I tried to deny it, the more I realized I couldn’t. We started talking, but still I fought my attraction to him all because I wasn’t physically attracted to him the first time we met.

I remember one day I told him to meet me at the park. My plan was to tell him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. But when I started telling him, I broke down and started crying because suddenly I realized I didn’t want him to not be in my life. He had become a part of me and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be without him.

I had tears flowing down my face and I was sobbing so hard I’m pretty sure he couldn’t make out what I was saying. He put his arm around me and comforted me while I cried some more. The next day we agreed to take things very slowly.

And we’ve been together ever since.

The point I want to make by telling you our love story is this: sometimes, our “standards” are really superficial. I wanted to fall in love with a man who loved God, BUT who also looked a particular way. Once I made up my mind to stop fighting my feelings I realized, “Dang, this man was always handsome! I was just so focused on the man I had created in my imagination so when my husband came along, I almost missed out on my blessing! Thank God for giving me a patient, persistent man!

What about you? Have you ever become attracted to someone over time even though you didn’t think they were your “type” at first? Tell me about it in the comments!

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Why Your Husband Shouldn't Be Your Only Friend



When my husband and I got married, we moved from Miami, Florida to Huntsville, Alabama. Moving from the melting pot of South Florida to “the South” was a culture shock in itself. I had to start wearing gloves and boots, perfect strangers in the store would say hi to me, and strangest of all, there wasn’t a Haitian market anywhere in the city. That meant no Haitian spices, no Haitian bread, and no Haitian hot chocolate. We had moved to the town where my husband was pursuing his bachelor’s degree, so he already knew tons of people there. He introduced me to everyone he knew in the hopes that I would take it upon myself to get to know people and make new friends.


Don’t get me wrong, I got to know a lot of people, whom I still love and keep in touch with today. But they were mostly college students younger than us, and all single. So it was more like having younger siblings. It was great to hang out and kick it with them, but there were a lot of things that came with being a new wife that I just couldn’t talk to them about.

My siblings and family were all in Florida, and I was terrible at keeping in touch with the few other friends I did have.

Needless to say, I relied on my husband a lot for companionship

When my husband would leave the house to go study at the library, I wanted to know exactly when I could expect him to come back. If he stayed out any longer than the time he had told me, I would get irritated and snap at him when he came home.

This went on for most of the first year we were married.

Eventually I did make friends in spite of myself. Two girls my age that I worked with became family to me. We even lived in the same apartment complex and I would sleep over whenever Jono had to be out of town. They understood my hermit ways and still loved me because they were the same way. So instead of calling or texting each other, we would just have movie binges and long talks during sleepovers. We would cook meals together and dance to Christmas music like kids. And when I got pregnant with our first child, they were there to make me teas for nausea and took walks around the block with me to make sure I stayed active.

Being friends with these ladies made me realize a few important things about myself and my marriage.

1.  I was putting a strain on my relationship with my husband.

Jono once admitted to me that it was a big relief to him when I made friends in Huntsville because he had started feeling trapped at home trying to cater to me emotionally. And he did it because he felt bad that I had to leave my job, family, and friends in Florida when we got married. But in reality, I was smothering him with my dependence. It’s not healthy if your spouse feels relieved at getting some time away from you.

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Want to be better at relationships but don't know where to start? Download our FREE e-book today!

2.  I used my introverted disposition as an excuse to neglect friendship.

I’m a huge introvert. But the benefits of friendship don’t come cheaply. You can only withdraw what you’ve put in. Friendships that aren’t nurtured eventually wither, even the best of them. I’d cut myself off from the friends I did have when I moved to Huntsville because I wasn’t intentional about staying in touch with them. They probably eventually figured that I didn’t want to be bothered and stopped trying to reach out as well.

I didn’t want that to happen again.

So when we moved away from Huntsville, I decided that I would keep in touch no matter what. That no matter what we all had going on in our lives, we’d have a standing appointment, whether it was every month or every other week; some set time to catch up. These days, WhatsApp group messaging is my best friend. I can keep in contact without having to stop what I’m doing to talk on the phone.

The point is, if you want to keep great friendships, you have to put effort into them.

3. Having friendships with other women is a necessary part of my growth as a person.

Having a circle of women that I can be vulnerable with is amazing. I think that sometimes we subconsciously compare and compete with each other as women, so we distance ourselves and try to make it look like we have it all together. Having real friends releases you from that pressure and challenges you to be authentic instead of having shallow small talk. You’re challenged and inspired to do things you never thought you could do.

When you can be the real you with your friends, eventually, hopefully, you’ll have the courage to be the real YOU wherever you are.  

And that’s the mark of a mature woman.

So I’m challenging you (and myself!) to be intentional about taking the first step to develop friendships with other women. You can start with a text message, or going to choir rehearsal. Take one small step today, and keep doing it.

I promise you the rewards will outweigh the inconvenience. Friendships have the power to change the course of your life. And because YOU will be a better person, so will your marriage!

Take care!


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Why You're Stuck in The Friend Zone

I grew up a “good girl” and by the time I got to college I guess you could say that I was considered the kind of “virtuous” woman that guys in the church tried to date. My answer almost invariably no. Yes, most of the guys who approached me were nice, and maybe they had serious intentions, but there was something I could see in all of them that made it easy for me to dismiss their advances.

They were too adoring.

I hate to sound full of myself, but I think it’s important for guys to understand why that may be a turn-off for some women.

See, people in my family, at church, and even at school already saw me in a certain light. I was a God-girl, seemingly perfect, a youth leader, and always studying. I really did come off as a cliched good girl.

Only a few people knew how messed up I was inside. I was trying so hard to be good because I thought if I studied hard enough and became a doctor, my accomplishments would make my parents happy enough to stay together. I thought if I was obedient, and did as much work around the house as possible, that my mom wouldn’t be so bothered by the problems in her marriage. I thought if I helped my younger sister with her homework and stayed on her back about getting her college applications done, she would snap out of the depression caused by everything happening in our family and become a successful person.

I remember lying awake some nights, my heart pounding and my hands clammy with sweat, worrying about my life, the future, and all the stuff I couldn’t control. I remember worrying that something terrible would happen and I would have no power to stop it from happening. It wasn’t until years later that I realized those were anxiety attacks. Sometimes I would be awake all night, and it wasn’t until I would start seeing the sun start to rise that I would feel calm enough to doze off for a little while.

So when guys would approach me, telling me how highly they thought of me, I would scoff and think to myself, “This dude has no idea who I am.” How do you know you want to date me when you don’t know a thing about me? You’re seeing me from afar, and assuming that the persona you see is the person I actually am. Why would I want to mess that up?

So my walls would stay up. I would smile politely and decline, saying that I thought sticking to being friends was a better idea.

When I met my husband, he gave me the adoring eyes treatment too, except he was a lot more sure of himself than most of the guys I’d ever spoken to. But he still got the “let’s just be friends” treatment. It wasn’t until we crossed paths again a year later that we became friends. We were both through with finding love, and trying to figure out our lives.

We would talk about everything, anything. For the first time in my life, I felt free to say exactly what I felt and what I was thinking. I told him stuff I had never told anyone before. And no matter what I told him, he still treated me the same. Eventually, he told me that he was into me. I told him I didn’t feel the same. I expected the conversation to get awkward and for us to hang up and never speak again, but he insisted that he was okay with it and that I better not act funny with him over it. I laughed and we kept talking. When I hung up I was amazed, and intrigued.

A couple of months later we were dating.

See, he had managed to avoid my adoring eyes radar by starting in the friend zone. It wasn’t until my walls had come down, and I was completely comfortable with him, that he announced his feelings for me. And even when I rejected him, he didn’t let it stop our friendship. He still wanted to talk with me and spend time with me. And that made me love him. He knew the best and worst about me, and he still wanted to be my friend.

So when he said that he was into me, it meant that he was into the person I actually was, not an ideal image he’d made up in his mind from a superficial association with me.

Apparently, I found that irresistible, and here we are today, married with two kids.

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Click here to download my book!

My advice to guys who think they’ve found their wife: take it easy on the whole “God told me you’re my wife” bit and try being her friend first without announcing your feelings. That’s a whole lot less threatening and gives her time to develop affection for you; that way, when you do announce your attraction, it’s a decision she actually has to think about instead of dismissing outright. It’s very easy to dismiss someone you don’t really know, as opposed to someone who’s company you enjoy and that you’ve begun to consider a friend.

Hope this helps! And may the odds be ever in your favor.

Kay G

I Was A Good Person-And Then I Got Married

I remember walking across the stage at my high school graduation to receive my diploma. Family members had flown in from out of state, my mother had a big dinner planned at our house afterward, and I had received so many awards and trophies that I needed help from two people to carry them all to the car. I was the darling of my family. I was the obedient, religious child. I was hand-picked at my academy to be part of an outreach team that visited sick people in their homes and hospitals on the weekends. Everyone expected great things of me and thought I was so great.

Those expectations followed me all through college. I served as a youth director at my church during undergrad and planned to go to medical school once I finished. To be honest, everyone’s high opinions of me eventually became part of me, and I began to think of myself as a golden child. I developed a high opinion of my morals and who I was as a person. It’s easy to put yourself on a pedestal when everyone else does it too.

All that changed when I got married. I began to see myself in a much different light. There were times when I would be upset with my husband, and storm off to our room to ignore his presence in the house for the next few hours. I didn’t cook him breakfast, or iron his shirt, or do anything that would be considered helping him out in any way. Or, sometimes when he would apologize, I’d still be cold towards him because I thought that if I “taught him a lesson” he’d be more careful not to repeat the same mistake next time.

When Jono was mad at me, it was a completely different story. He would still cook breakfast, wash my dirty dishes, and fold my laundry (and put it away for me too!). It baffled me, and made me feel ashamed of myself. It was really humbling. His actions were so different from mine that I had to finally accept the fact that deep inside I was selfish and vindictive.

I also realized how emotional of a person I was. So many of my decisions and words were based on my feelings in the moment. If I felt angry, I lashed out. If I felt hurt, I completely shut him out. I began to see more and more that I had a lot of growing to do. My attention began to shift from things I wanted my husband to work on, to what I needed to work on. When I did that, I saw myself becoming more patient with my husband’s flaws. I couldn’t expect him to change overnight when I was struggling myself.

At the same time, I also saw myself starting to become more transparent in my other relationships. See, it was easy for me to hide the less attractive parts of my character when I was around people who expected me to be a certain way. I got used to putting up a façade that hid my feelings when I was really hurt or angry. If one of my friends did something to me, I would just distance myself from them a little bit until I got over it, and then continued with the friendship.

My relationship with my husband was one of the few in my life where I didn’t ever bother to hide what I was really thinking and feeling. It was my first time being completely transparent and address things head-on.

My friends started saying things like, “Man, Jono rubbed off on you, you have a fresh mouth now,” or be really surprised when I would address issues directly. In reality I was just becoming more transparent and letting my thoughts be known.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: being in a relationship with someone is a reality check. It forces you to come face-to-face with the parts of yourself that you think you’re hiding from everyone else. When that happens, don’t get too discouraged. It’s a good thing!

A humbling view of your true character helps you be more intentional about becoming a better person; it also leads you to be more patient with other people’s flaws and less judgmental of their actions. The focus shifts from making the other person conform to your standards, to you trying to be the best version of yourself regardless of what the other person does.  It’s not easy, but trust me when I say the growth that comes from it brings your relationships to a higher level in every way.

Being in a relationship also forces you to become more open about your own thoughts and feelings. Hopefully that openness transfers to the other relationships in your life, and enhances them as well.

Until next time!

Kay Gus

P.S. Want more realness about marriage? More insights into what it's really about once you say "I do?"