How to Stay Friends With Your Spouse


When my husband and I first got married, he was in the process of completing his college degree, and I was working 2 part-time jobs. I had moved to Alabama where he was attending school, so I had to make new friends and get used to not being near my family.  My husband had to spend long hours at the library getting assignments done and studying for exams, and I found myself feeling disconnected from him after a while.   And this can happen whether you’ve been married one year or ten. The fact is, our jobs, children, church activities, and everything else we put on ourselves can drive a wedge between you and your spouse at any time if you don’t have a system in place to keep the two of you connected emotionally. So today’s post discusses tips for maintaining the intimacy of your friendship.

1.     Make being friends a priority. This means that the time you will be spending with each other has to be marked in your calendars like any other appointment and kept no matter what. There’s something about writing something in a planner or in a calendar that makes it officially important in your mind. If you don’t do this, no matter how many times you make plans to spend time together, there will always be things that pop up that are seemingly more urgent, and your relationship will keep getting pushed to the backburner.  You may feel guilty dropping off the kids to grandma’s house or at daycare so that you and your spouse can have some time together, but trust me, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the example of an authentic closeness in your marriage.

2.     Read a book together. I personally recommend something in the nonfiction genre. Maybe you can read a motivational book and from there decide on the goals you want to achieve as a family. Or read a biography and discuss some things you admired about the person. Reading itself helps expand your thinking, and reading together will help

3.     Participate in something new and exciting together. Go zip-lining, jet-skiing, or painting. Experiencing something together that is new for the both of you helps deepen the camaraderie between you.

4.     Cook a meal together. It’s nice to cook a meal for your spouse, but it’s so much more fun to look up a new recipe and cook it together. Working together to get something accomplished will help develop your communication and show you some of your strengths and weaknesses as a couple.

5.    Share funny conversations and interesting events from your day. This is the easiest to do. All you need is 15-20 minutes to sit on the couch together and talk about your day. This is my favorite thing to do with my husband. We both look forward to it because at the end of a busy day where we didn’t see each other, coming home and sharing our experiences keeps us connected.