Say Yes (To Sex)

For a Christian woman, getting married means that you will engage in sexual intercourse with your husband freely, without the shadow of guilt or shame, without having to worry about anyone finding out and your reputation as a respectable person being tarnished. It means that you can now live your sweetest fantasies of your sweetheart with God's approval. When I first got married, my husband and I frolicked like we were in the garden of Eden. Little did I realize the power of sex in marriage.

You see, keeping your husband sexually satisfied is one of-if not the most-important gifts you can give your husband. In general, us women have the need to be complimented, we like to receive small gifts that show our husbands were thinking of us. In general, husbands need- yes, you've guessed it- sex. Spontaneous sex. Creative sex. At first this need is easily fulfilled, because we're just as eager as they are to make love, any time, any where. It's a wonderful, sweet, adventure that's a secret for just the two of you. But as time goes on, the honeymoon ends, and the clamors of life can wear us down: the laundry, subsequent folding, cooking, cleaning, not to mention going to work if you're employed. It's a steady stream of responsibility that never ends. Just as you slip into bed, freshly showered after a long day, just as you snuggle onto your pillow between your sheets, you feel your husband's hand reach for you. It may be a tap on your shoulder, or a seductive squeeze of your hip. It boils down to the same urgent message: I need you tonight.


For me, it seemed like my husband somehow picked the most inconvenient hour of sleep to make love: That last hour of sleep before I had to get up for work, or right after I had showered for the night. Sometimes I had a headache after a long day of dealing with middle-schoolers. At first, when I started to feel annoyed with his requests, I thought there must be something wrong with me. What kind of a person would rather sleep than have an orgasm? What kind of person would rather cuddle and talk as opposed to lovemaking?

I didn't know it at the time, but MANY marriages suffer from a lack of sexual intimacy. A lot more marriages have experienced times where one or both partners just weren't into the sex, for one reason or another. For women, if we're not able to get into the passion of sex it's because we just have so many other things on our minds besides sex, and we just cannot get into the mood if we're busy fuming about the incident at work, or wondering whether we offended that friend, or how to get all things on the to-do list done in 24 hours. If we're stressed, angry, or sad, sex just isn't the first stress-reliever we go to. That's what movie marathons, Chips Ahoy, and talking on the phone with our girlfriends are for. So how do you get past that hump if your man always wants IT and you're tired of stalling him or turning him down? After all, a man can only take no for an answer so many times before it starts to create a rift in your relationship.

1. Remember that women are nurturers. A close friend of mine once told me in exasperation: "We give our bodies. We give our breasts to our babies and our vaginas to our husbands." It's true. We're needed at almost every moment in the day. If it's not the husband, it's the kids. If it's not the husband or kids, the housework demands our attention. Not to mention our out-of-home jobs. We give physically and emotionally. Women are the golden thread that make a house a real home when we give of ourselves. That's our role.

2. Take to give. The next time your husband shows you a token of appreciation: breakfast in bed, a surprise date night or vacation, and you're wondering how in the world you can make him feel as special as he makes you feel, remember that sex is the key to a man's heart. It may sound backwards, even superficial, but it's true. A fulfilling sex life makes a man very happy. Surprise him by putting on something nice and giving him something to look forward to one night this week. Surprise and creativity go a long way to reviving your marriage if your sex life has gone dry and dull. And as you fulfill your husband's needs, guess what happens? He wants to continue to please you and make you happy as well. So that's an incentive to taking the first step to revamping the way you think of sex. You'll be starting a cycle of give and take that will greatly increase the happiness in your marriage.

3. It's all about self-sacrifice. At the end of the day, that's the truth of it. Marriage is self-sacrifice, big and small. Marrying someone and promising to love them means you're willing to put their comfort or convenience ahead of your own. It means holding off on your desires while you meet theirs. So instead of using marriage as a tool of manipulation or punishment, use it as a tool to show the depth of your love to your partner.