married

Why Weddings Don't Impress Me Anymore

StockSnap_GNWZ7VU0EC.jpg

I’m pretty sure that you’ve heard that the divorce rate in America is about 50%, and that this particular statistic includes Christians. For the longest time I naively thought that if both people getting married love Jesus and each other, that the marriage would last no matter what. I thought that love always conquers all.  When I would hear about people getting divorced I would think to myself, “Well, they clearly didn’t trust God enough,” or “ If only people would put God first in their marriage…..”

I’ve always been a romantic. I’m a sucker for love stories and happy endings. I want to believe that people can live happily ever after, especially if we claim to believe in a God who can work miracles and make a way out of no way.

But as the years went by, and I witnessed people I loved going through some craziness in their marriages, I realized that my view of love and marriage and love conquering all had been extremely filtered. I realized that if love conquers all, it requires a brutal, heartbreaking struggle to get to the other side. And the sad truth is that a lot of the people who walk away from their marriages decide they just can’t do it. 

I can’t say I blame them. It’s extremely easy to get up in front of people who are cheering you on and make promises. It’s quite another to keep those promises when you feel like you don’t even recognize who your spouse is anymore. What if they become verbally abusive? What if they develop an addiction?  How do you keep holding on when it feels like every day your heart is getting stomped on by an insensitive or selfish spouse? How do you patiently keep loving your spouse through a life-changing illness or injury? Keeping your vows when you feel like there’s no place or person you can turn to can feel extremely isolating and painful.

So yes, I’ll come to your wedding and cheer you on as you make your vows. I’ll hoot and holler when it’s time to kiss the bride. But inside, I’ll be praying that you guys are willing to invest the same amount of money, energy, and effort into keeping your marriage healthy. I’ll pray that even when you want to quit, that God will hold you together through the supernatural power of His love. Because even though you the words you say in the moment are coming from a place that’s sincere and means well, there’s no way on earth you can follow through on your own. There will come a day when you’ll feel like you don’t want to be married anymore to the person standing in front of you. And when that day comes, you’ll need more than memories to keep you there.

You’ll need Him.

Nope, weddings don’t impress me anymore, but I’ll tell you what does.;

Couples that are transparent with other couples about their struggles; Couples that fight to find solutions for their issues; Spouses that are willing to go to therapy to dig deep and figure out why they’re messed up, and what they can do to heal and grow;

Couples that hold on to each other through the storms in faith that there’s light on the other side.

Now that’s impressive.

 

Till next time,

Kay 

Is Flirting Always Wrong If You're Married?

When I think about it, I have to admit that as a woman, when men have flirted with me it sometimes boosts my self-esteem in that moment. After giving birth to two kids sometimes I feel like a frump. I don’t always feel like I’m attractive as I once was, and guys flirting with me gives me the reassurance that I’ve still got it. It’s almost like a relief: Yes! The general male population still finds me attractive even though I can’t button my jeans most of the time!

I don’t think I’ve ever flirted back (at least not intentionally), but reading up on the topic definitely had me examining myself and wondering if I’ve ever flirted without realizing it. I mean, flirting can be so subtle. It can be you smiling at someone for longer than a second, looking into their eyes, or touching them on the arm. It doesn’t necessarily have to be you telling someone they look attractive.

So to start with, let’s look at the definition of the word. Interestingly, there were two definitions when I looked it up on Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. The first definition said: to behave amorously without serious intent. And the second definition was “to show superficial or casual interest or liking.”

So people flirt just because and also when they want it to lead to something more.

For example, a friend of mine once told me that her husband flirted with their server at a restaurant to make sure they got good service. She didn’t seem bothered by it, but I know that some women would feel really threatened if they’re husbands did that.

That being said, I guess one of the things that determines whether your flirting is wrong is your intention. What are you trying to get out of it?

  • Are you looking for attention because your spouse doesn’t make you feel important or attractive?  
  • Are you doing it just for fun?
  • Are you doing it in order to get it to lead to something more?

Whatever the reason, I think that there need to be some clear boundaries to help us figure out when we may potentially be disrespecting our spouse and our marriage:

  •  Do you find yourself flirting with the same person over and over?
  •   Do you find yourself daydreaming about that person and what the flirting could lead to?
  •  Do you feel guilty about your flirting?
  • Are you keeping your flirting a secret from your friends?

If you find yourself doing these things I think it’s safe to say that you need to stop and establish boundaries that will protect your marriage from an emotional or physical affair.

So what do you guys think?

Is it always wrong to flirt if you’re married? How do you react when other people flirt with you?  How do you react when people flirt with your spouse in front of you?

Till next time!

Kay Gus

P.S. Get your FREE copy of our ebooks by clicking on the book covers on the right!