My husband and I are off probation.
No, not that kind. I mean marriage probation.
See, statistics show that half of all divorces happen between year 4-5 of marriage. Even among Christians, the overall divorce rate is 50%.
Looking back at our journey so far, I understand why.
A lot of people get married without having a clue about the realness of married life. Christians are no exception.
If you’re like me, you were maybe halfway through year one when you thought to yourself: WTH?!!!!! Who is this person? Did I just make a HUGE mistake swearing to be with this….this mess of a person for the rest of my LIFE????? (Cue hyperventilation)
Seriously though, people don’t talk about these things enough.
We’re all like #justgotengaged and #cantwaittobemrs. Don’t even get me started on the engagement, wedding prep, and honeymoon photo shoots on my News Feed.
So when things get messy, scary, and just disappointing, people are blindsided.
I’m here to help with that.
I’m going to help clear up a few misconceptions that you may have about this beautiful, incredibly difficult thing called marriage.
So take a deep, calming breath. And keep reading.
Myth#1: Your spouse will stay the same-spiritual, holy, and good-for the rest of your lives.
Myth #2: Disagreements won’t ever be that serious because you’re both Christian.
Myth #3: Your sex life will be great because you waited and because…well…you’re Christian.
Myth #1: Your spouse will stay the same-spiritual, holy, and good-for the rest of your lives.
Here’s the thing about our walks with God. They’re just that.
When you’re on a walk, you’re bound to get tired or confused about directions, even get lost for a while.
When you’re married to someone who’s going through these seasons in their walk with God, your marriage will undoubtedly be affected.
They may stop going to church with you.
They may stop attending family worship time, or not bother to pray.
You’ll feel frustrated about the lack of unity.
You’ll worry about whether they’ll eventually get it together.
If you have kids, you’ll get irritated and may not have any answers when they ask why mommy or daddy isn’t coming to church with them, or why they should pray if mommy doesn’t.
What to do? Is all lost?
I don’t think so.
1. Pray for your spouse-A LOT. You may be surprised to read this, but this will benefit YOU just as much as your spouse.
Praying for your spouse will keep things in perspective for you and help you be patient and supportive instead of overbearing and condemning.
2. Be as loving as you can towards them, but don’t try to force them to be where you are spiritually.
They have to make their peace with God organically, on their own.
Your spouse’s faith won’t be authentic if they feel pressured into conforming to your standards of spirituality.
God wants your spouse to love Him for who He is.
If you’re trying to force them to maintain a façade, and guilting them into coming to church, that faith won’t be a real one.
3. Maintain the unity in everything else as far as possible.
The worst thing you can do is to drift into living separate lives. Your marriage will definitely not be a happy one if this happens. Even when your spouse is struggling in their faith, you need to keep doing stuff together.
Like date night. And sharing meals. Having conversations in bed at the end of a long day.
This is especially important if you have kids by now. You NEED to be on the same team to give them stability.
Tune in next week for the next myth.
PureCouples Community, have you had any experience with a spouse struggling in their faith? Feel free to shre your insight!