Falling in love is one of the most exciting feelings you can ever have: the feeling of attraction you first get when you meet them, the thrill of the first kiss, the warmth of sharing your innermost thoughts with each other…
But sometimes, we can get so caught up in the excitement of being in a relationship, of the sense of stability or security it gives, that we miss the red flags telling us the relationship may be bad for us.
Has this ever happened to you?
There are so many people in toxic relationships that either don’t realize it, or feel like they can’t do better. So today I want to talk about how to tell whether your relationship is good or bad for you (healthy vs toxic).
You’re constantly having to compromise stuff that’s important to you in order to please your partner.
The stuff that’s important to you, the principles you try to live by and the values you hold dear, make up your identity. The person you are with should embrace you just the way you are. If you always compromise your values, you’re giving up parts of yourself for the sake of the relationship, and that isn’t healthy. Losing yourself in order to fit your partner’s desires is not going to make you happy in the long run.
2. You start feeling bad about yourself.
If you find yourself constantly being criticized or reprimanded, this is a sign that this relationship may not just be toxic, but also emotionally abusive. It may start out subtle at first. But this is just another sign that your partner doesn’t appreciate you for the person you are right now. If you’re being put down and made to feel like you have no value, get out of there! In all the successful relationships I’ve seen, the partners are inspired by one another to achieve bigger goals and become better people. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you feel motivated to level up and do things you never attempted before. In a healthy relationship, both people feel empowered and encouraged by each other.
In toxic relationships, one or both partners hold the other back and makes them feel like they don’t deserve better for themselves, or won’t find anyone else who loves them the same way.
Don’t fall into that trap!
3. You find yourself emotionally drained.
Sometimes you may find yourself in love with someone who just comes with a whole lot of baggage, and dealing with a lot of baggage after a while can make you start to question if the relationship is really worth it.
Don’t ignore those doubts! Take a step back and assess the situation. Are you constantly having to contend with baby mama drama? Cheating or flirting? Are they struggling with some sort of mental health crisis and you feel like you’re just not up to it?
Sometimes you may really care about somebody but have to let them go because being in a relationship with them is sapping away at your energy. When you find yourself in that situation you have to ask yourself if you’re willing to be in this relationship for the long-term if nothing changes.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but when you’re getting into a serious relationship, you want to question it every step of the way to make sure that you’re getting into something that’s good FOR you, and good TO you. A healthy relationship motivates you to be a better version of yourself, not a completely different kind of person. A healthy relationship is one where you can speak up and know your needs will be heard, and that you are important.
A healthy relationship ADDS happiness to your life; it doesn’t drain you dry.
If you want to end your toxic relationship and move on with your life, please take a look at this blog post that I wrote on the topic, entitled “He Treats Me Bad But I Still Want Him.” And if you find yourself constantly in relationships that are bad for you, here’s a blog post I wrote to help you IDENTIFY the root of your decision-making. It’s called “You’re Settling For The Wrong Person and I Know Why.”
I want to help you have a relationship that THRIVES! Whether your’e single, engaged, or married, my weekly newsletter includes blog posts that will help you have better relationships. Subscribe below! I’ll talk to you soon!