Every time I reflect on my journey from singleness to marriage, and now being a wife with kids, one thing continues to stand out to me: it’s all about mindset.
When my husband and I first started dating, we clashed A LOT. We had been great friends up until that point, but once our differences started causing disagreements between us, I would lose my temper, ignore his calls and text messages, and basically “punish” him. In my mind I was setting boundaries in our relationship and showing him exactly what I would and would NOT put up with.
But as I continued that pattern into our marriage, I realized that my habits were going to destroy my marriage slow if I let them continue. Every time something happened between us I was making it all about myself and seeing him as the villain in the situation.
I was selfish.
If you haven’t read it already, I wrote a post about the night we had our biggest fight. It was the turning point in our relationship, because my eyes were finally opened to the truth.
Our marriage wasn’t about me. It was about US.
The thing you have to remember when you go through rough patches in your marriage is that the RELATIONSHIP is the most important thing. Yes, your feelings count. Yes, your spouse’s issues have to be addressed. But you can only work things out properly when you’re doing it with the mindset of making your relationship better.
Here are some ways having the marriage mindset enhances your relationship with your spouse:
1. It gives you courage to let go of destructive habits. Some of us struggle with deep-rooted issues that result in destructive decisions: addictions, affairs, porn, fault-finding, verbal abuse. When your relationship becomes your internal priority, you’ll quickly realize that you can’t continue to indulge in these things AND have a great relationship with your spouse. You’ll give up whatever is necessary in order to build and heal your marriage.
2. It gives you courage to forgive sincerely. When you feel resentful about having to put your pride aside, it’s because you’ve made yourself the most important person in the relationship, instead of the relationship itself. When your relationship is the priority, you’ll forgive freely once you’ve made peace with your partner’s mistakes because you know that you can only move forward if you work together to get past it. You realize that growth takes time and they won’t get it right every time.
3. It gives you courage to get help-before it's too late. When your marriage is the priority, and not your pride, you’ll realize that you don’t have all the answers. You’ll see that you can’t do it all by yourself. And that will lead you to seek wisdom and accountability from people who have great marriages, counselors, or therapists. Anyone who feels like they don’t want people knowing their business, or that they don’t need help even when their marriage is on the brink of shattering, is still putting their ego first. EVERYONE needs accountability. EVERYONE has something they can improve on.
The love that you share with your spouse is sacred. It’s beautiful. And when you switch your mindset from “me” to “we,” you ensure that your marriage will stand any test that you comes your way.
Until next time!
Remember to comment below and let me know what you’ve discovered about the “marriage mindset” in your own experience.