Is Flirting Always Wrong If You're Married?

When I think about it, I have to admit that as a woman, when men have flirted with me it sometimes boosts my self-esteem in that moment. After giving birth to two kids sometimes I feel like a frump. I don’t always feel like I’m attractive as I once was, and guys flirting with me gives me the reassurance that I’ve still got it. It’s almost like a relief: Yes! The general male population still finds me attractive even though I can’t button my jeans most of the time!

I don’t think I’ve ever flirted back (at least not intentionally), but reading up on the topic definitely had me examining myself and wondering if I’ve ever flirted without realizing it. I mean, flirting can be so subtle. It can be you smiling at someone for longer than a second, looking into their eyes, or touching them on the arm. It doesn’t necessarily have to be you telling someone they look attractive.

So to start with, let’s look at the definition of the word. Interestingly, there were two definitions when I looked it up on Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. The first definition said: to behave amorously without serious intent. And the second definition was “to show superficial or casual interest or liking.”

So people flirt just because and also when they want it to lead to something more.

For example, a friend of mine once told me that her husband flirted with their server at a restaurant to make sure they got good service. She didn’t seem bothered by it, but I know that some women would feel really threatened if they’re husbands did that.

That being said, I guess one of the things that determines whether your flirting is wrong is your intention. What are you trying to get out of it?

  • Are you looking for attention because your spouse doesn’t make you feel important or attractive?  
  • Are you doing it just for fun?
  • Are you doing it in order to get it to lead to something more?

Whatever the reason, I think that there need to be some clear boundaries to help us figure out when we may potentially be disrespecting our spouse and our marriage:

  •  Do you find yourself flirting with the same person over and over?
  •   Do you find yourself daydreaming about that person and what the flirting could lead to?
  •  Do you feel guilty about your flirting?
  • Are you keeping your flirting a secret from your friends?

If you find yourself doing these things I think it’s safe to say that you need to stop and establish boundaries that will protect your marriage from an emotional or physical affair.

So what do you guys think?

Is it always wrong to flirt if you’re married? How do you react when other people flirt with you?  How do you react when people flirt with your spouse in front of you?

Till next time!

Kay Gus

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