Being a wife is great. I'm in love with my husband, our kids give me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But maaaannn….single ladies, ENJOY your single hood!!! Not because I regret getting married when I did, but because I’m realizing now more than ever how important it is for a woman to be set and secure in her own identity when she enters marriage.
I’ve talked to my friends about this and we all agree: being a great wife and mom can sometimes make you feel like you’re DISAPPEARING as a person. Sometimes you start to feel like all you were born to do was pack lunches, clean diapers, fold laundry, and chaperone field trips. Oh, and have sex. Yes, even sex can become just another chore on your to-do list after the honeymoon phase is over and real life settles in.
I’m not saying this to scare anyone or make marriage seem like a drag. It’s not! But the only way to avoid feeling like a ROBOTIC MAID is to be INTENTIONAL with how you live life. So how do you do that?
- Nurture your sexuality. It may seem weird that this is the first thing on this list, but I’m just speaking from personal experience. One of the things that started making sex feel like a chore after our daughter was born was the fact that I no longer felt sexy. I had dried breastmilk caked on my shirt most of the day, and I didn’t shower until the evening. I went around the house dressed in mummus (unsexy house dresses that make it easy to breastfeed), and on good days, T-shirts and leggings. I didn’t go out much.
Nurturing your sexuality means making a conscious effort to keep sex on your mind and keeping yourself “in the mood” throughout the day. How?
-Send flirty text messages to your husband throughout the day to let him know that you still got it! Not only will he be excited about coming home to you, but you’ll feel more sexy because you’re expressing your sexuality.
-Dress up more. I started dressing up to go to the most mundane places: the grocery store, my mom’s house, it didn’t matter. Any time I was leaving the house I was celebrating! I don’t need to elaborate any further because every woman feels more sexy when they get to doll themselves up.
-Be creative with sex. There are lots of Christian books about sexuality out there that give you tips on how to spice up your sex life. for quick, fun ideas try the “Deck of Dares” by Jennifer Degler.
2. Be intentional about growth. It’s very easy to get tunnel vision after you get married, especially when you have kids. But part of maintaining your individuality is to continue expanding your mind. Read good books, develop and maintain a workout routine, and NEVER STOP LEARNING.
3. Tap into your gifts. I think that part of being a great parent is modeling to your kids how to live in your purpose and use your gifts to bless the world around you. Not only that, but God gave each person gifts as part of the redemptive process. As you use your gifts, you character develops and become the person God means you to be. So don't think you're doing the world a favor by pushing your gifts to the back burner for the next 15 years. You'll be a happier person and in turn so will your home and family.
4. Develop authentic friendships. Yes, I know managing a family is incredibly busy, but part of maintaining your individuality, and thus, your sanity, is to have a circle of friends that you can be real with. You want people you can open up to (and vice versa), and who will challenge you to continue growing. You can't depend on your husband for all social interaction. The poor man will be exhausted! You need your own space and so does he. So go meet some people and make friends!
5. Spend time alone with God every day. This is where you get recharged. This is where you find unconditional love and acceptance. And this is where you gain CLARITY and WISDOM. I don't care if you start off with 5-10 minutes a day at first. The more you see the benefits, the more determined you'll be to fight for that time no matter what.
Hope these tips help! And if you have any more you want to share, please feel free to leave them in the comments section below. Bye for now!
For more info on how to tap into your sexuality, try this book by my favorite blogger Sheila Gregoire called "The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex."