3 Ways A Vision Board Will Put Life Back in Your Marriage

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When you’re married, it seems like all you do is work to pay bills every weekday, looking forward to the weekend, which always seems to end way too quickly. Before you know it, you’re just…..surviving. Day to day, year to year, and slowly but surely, your relationship gets stale.

But I’m here to tell you...don’t get caught up!

If you’re feeling like your marriage and life as a whole has gotten blah and you no longer look forward to the newness of every day, week, and year, pump the brakes and have a vision board date night together. Planning your vision for your future as a family is guaranteed to help you connect and and help you re-evaluate where your lives are headed. Couple goals are super important to the growth of your relationship, and the both of you as individuals.

1. Goals keep you focused on the important things in life.

When you first got married, each of you had dreams for yourselves and for your future together. What happened to those dreams? Have you been actively working on them, or have you gotten caught up in survival mode?

Doing a vision board together will bring you and your spouse back to the basics of your lives-and your marriage. The most important things in life are your relationships with the people you love. Doing a vision board together will help you get intentional about putting first things first and making sure it stays that way every day.

2. Goals help you make the most of each moment.

When you don’t have a clear focus, you take on a lot of different responsibilities. All those little extra things may be taking valuable time and energy away from the things you really want to achieve in your life. When you do your vision board, talk about the top 3 priorities for your marriage and family. As you make more time (and money) for those things, you have to cut out all the unnecessary stuff. This will leave you free to make lots of progress in your lives and get rid of all the fluff that you only think you need.

3. Goals challenge you to keep growing.

No one wants to be in a stale marriage, but every couple has spent some time in the dead zone where it feels like you’re just existing as housemates, but you don’t have to stay there! Getting together regularly to update your vision board and talk about your progress will keep you accountable for working on those goals (and yourself) every day. As you become a better version of yourself, growing and learning, the quality of your marriage will get enhanced too. That’s the beauty of growth-you bring something to the table in every area of your life. Your focus on your goals will make your life better because you’ll be actively working on your family, not just for your family.

At some point every couple falls into survival mode where life becomes all about bills, debt payments, your careers, and raising the kids. Your vision board date night will get you out of that rut and get you back on track. Re-visit the dreams and goals you originally had when you got married, or had last year even. Think about where you want your family to be in a 1 year, 5 years, and even 10 years. Think far ahead, then figure out what things you want to tackle this year.

Want to have your vision board date night? Download my Vision Board Planner!

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3 Questions To Ask About His Past

Welcome back to Part 4 of the Are We Ready For Marriage series. We’ve been tackling some pretty serious questions and today is no different.

If you’re just catching up on this series, here are the previous posts:

Part 1: Do Our Values and Goals Match and Do We Have Chemistry?

Part 2: How Do We Work Out Disagreements?

Part 3: Do We Have Communication Issues?

Today I want to talk about the 3 questions you should have conversations about on a continual basis.

When Jono and I became friends, we used to talk on the phone for hours about everything. We still do.  I’ve realized that the deep intimacy in our relationship has a lot to do with the fact that we’re completely vulnerable with each other, and honest about everything. But after years of giving people relationship advice, I’ve realized that a lot of people don’t have that type of relationship with their partner.  

It’s hard for me to imagine marrying and sharing my life with someone that I don’t really know that well. When you marry someone, you should know everything there is to know about them. You should be able to write a small book about their life with the information you know about them, that’s how well you should know the person you’re going to marry.

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But so many people focus on the happiness they have in the moment, then get married and quickly become disillusioned at all the stuff that starts coming out the closet once they say “I do.”

Sure, you’re always going to be learning more and more about your partner even after you get married. But you should know the significant things that have shaped them into the person they are today.

Here are some things to talk to your partner about. Remember that a lot of people (especially men!) have a hard time opening up about things that make them feel vulnerable. So if you don’t get very far in the first conversation, keep trying! So many communication issues can be avoided by just understanding your partner’s past. This is why it’s important to make your relationship a safe space where you can tell each other anything.

Here are the most important things to ask about the past

  1. Trauma:

    Was your partner ever the victim of abuse, rape, or bullying? Were they abandoned or neglected by their parents? Trauma literally changes the pathways in your brain. It affects the way you perceive things that happen to you. It shapes the way you think. For a person who has been through trauma, a word, touch, or smell could bring back painful memories or cause them to react in an unexpected way.

  2. Past relationships:

    How long was your partner’s last relationship? Why did they break up? How did it start? It’s important that you hear what there is to know about past relationships from your partner, and not from gossips or people who aren’t looking out for your best interests. Also, patterns in relationships are often repeated, so you need to know exactly why things didn’t work out.

  3. Their childhood:

    Where did they grow up? What kinds of family traditions did they have? What was their family culture like? Who raised your partner? What was marriage like between their parents?

The past shapes the person you are today. Know your partner’s past will go a long way to helping to establish trust and intimacy in your relationship.  If you have that kind of relationship, sometimes your partner may not be able to communicate their needs to you clearly, but knowing their past will give you the clues you need to figure out their pain and their priorities. You’ll have a much greater insight into the way they think and feel.

Get your ebook bundle here “Love From The Inside Out”

Get your ebook bundle here “Love From The Inside Out”

If that’s the type of relationship you want, and the kind of foundation you want for your marriage, start having those conversations now, and keep having them until it’s a practice in your relationship to share your innermost thoughts with each other.

That’s when you know that you’re truly one.  

Want to get the rest of the series in your inbox? Let’s keep in touch here.

P.S. Want more marriage prep? Here’s an ebook bundle I put together for you!